In Touch

        Someone long lost got back in touch recently, more than two of them in fact.

       One I had lived with for years and we were housemates at peace, mostly due to her. She was an oasis in midst of a life of stress and while we couldn’t be said to be close or intimate in sense of spending our leisure together very often ors haring deep secrets of heart, the peace and respite of home life was even more important in retrospect than it seemed to be then, although I was aware of it and very grateful even then.

       In this respect and to a large extent in looks she reminded me of my mother, with a purity and peace that radiated quietly but so very steadily, so very strongly from either of the two that making any disturbance seemed ignoble; in case of my mother, it hurt her, which felt as in; in case of the housemate of my graduate years, it reflected back away from her, while she might or might not be able to provide a solution just as unobtrusively as she lived. I am grateful and glad we are back in touch, even if it does not mean chatting even sporadically much less every day over dinner as we used to.
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       Other two, and perhaps more than two, were lost due more to manipulations on part of someone who would rather everyone else around was miserable and worshiping at his alter, and would not, could not, tolerate any other two be in harmony much less love without him in midst destroying it. He is now gone, and two of those he separated from me using various means are now almost immediately back in touch,to whatever extent they see fit.

       At his express command I had left his home when on brink of what is generally considered adulthood, and again when he repeated the demand with a scenario more to his taste than my first quiet departure which he had been unable to make a scene to his satisfaction. He had therefore pursued me for years through every possible social and other means with people denouncing my not meeting him, not visiting him; my one concession to the social pressure was due to my mother being unable to travel out of her home to meet me any longer, when the abuse of years in physical, emotional and every other aspect including starvation had severed connections of her brain. So he finally was able to succeed in lassoing back the one person who had not been destroyed yet then to his satisfaction, and proceed to remove that blot on his escutcheon by destroying as thoroughly as he possibly could.

       Then came his publicly expressed demand for me to stay away, which surprisingly turned around to another session of public pressure and manipulations to bring me back. This time I was wary of giving another chance and hoped, prayed there would be no contact, no chain of communication. In this latter I probably did not succeed, and he probably did succeed in keeping tabs via various people who let slip some clue in their behaviour or in course of conversation to that effect, however much he warned them to not let me know of the link.

       Funny,someone who claimed to be an aspirant of spiritual life was not only unable to see goodness or tolerate it without it being enslaved to his satisfaction, but also was unable to see the fallacy of the normal conventions of being in touch.Or he saw it, was controlling and manipulating my life and destroying all he could anyway, but the demand to keep in touch expressed publicly was for a public show. Or was it yet another way to isolate me, corner the victim? Either way, it was far from spiritual.
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       When I was told he had passed on finally, it was not about not being in contact or not seeing him for over two decades this time that I was likely to be concerned about. On the spiritual level he always talked of there is no importance of physical existence much less of physical contact, albeit there is such importance given on a social level, and others. Nor did I give quarter to arguments about being in touch because life is short or forgiving because someone is old after all or being friends no matter what the fault or guilt of someone because that is the good way. Or that everyone is guilty, and that is a basis for equality of manifest good and evil.

       As far as guilt and forgiveness go, finally it is of no importance if I forgive someone for it; forgiveness belongs to the same Divine that one’s guilt is relevant to, whoever the victim be. I am thankful if I am able to forget an injury inflicted deliberately, or at any rate get over it in my own being and life. Forgiveness and guilt of someone else is between them and their own soul,the latter being what they should concern about and be wary of inflicting injuries deliberately for.

       And if life is too short, it is so all the more when it is a matter of giving chances over and over to inflict injuries when one has reason to believe that would be the result of being in contact.

       Of course, in his case as in many others being in contact was only marginally –and an extremely narrow margin at that – of relevance when it came to his ability to inflict injury or manipulate or generally exercise powers of various sort for a negative effect on someone else’s life and being.

       But then what is true of negative powers of small is far more so of far superior powers of above.
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       When I left home, I would not have been able to do it if I had thought it was amounting to separation from my mother. But I was as certain of that not being possible as I was of my fragile physical existence and its being in danger if I continued living under his roof – he had left no doubt of the latter, very explicitly expressed in verbal terms as well as in abuse of every possible sort. I was certain I would not be separated from her in mind or heart, soul or spirit. What I had not foreseen before separation was how being close in life makes an ease of communication even in silence, how nourishing and nurturing it was for me and how it would be worse for her than for me. I was worried about her life being in danger living with him when I left, and this fear never left until it became a reality.

       When she left her body she was in my arms as I lifted her for the morning as I had done until then for the precious few months I lived with her years later, and it was grief for me because I no longer could see any purpose in life, her having lost life far too soon. That she was now in a place far better, far superior beyond imagination was never in doubt – her last few months and the place of her passing away established that beyond any possibility of anyreasonable doubt or question.

       The true nature of her extraordinary spiritual level was once for all clear to all but wilfully blind. And those no one can wake up, for they pretend to be sleeping.
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       As for others, finally one has to realise being in touch or contact has finally mattered only in as much as it affects oneself. One need not presume that someone else would suffer only because one has left, separated, refused to keep in touch or desist from any communication.

       Or that it would be necessarily benefic for someone else if one is in touch.
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       Few relationships are lost for lack of physical contact or communication of verbal sort, and that loss is due to both sides living at a level lesser than need be.Relationships of heart and soul and spirit are above it all, and communication of mind is entirely just that. And blood relationships are built into one’s genetic essence, never lost.

       What can be lost is the joy or otherwise of being in contact, much the same way one cannot eat or smell through a wall, but then nor can one receive or inflict infections of physical or mental or any other kind when there is a separation,a distance, a wall. And the latter being an entirely real risk is the reason why sometimes one cannot be in touch, or communication through a chain at a distance. When one is vulnerable, a quarantine is necessary, however much one loses flavours of earthly contact.
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       What is far worse than someone keeping away is someone inviting and manipulating one to brought in communication only to at the receiving end of humiliation or injury. I have cherished my years of solitude for the peace and the benefits of another channel of communion when away from such injuries, and if being in touch with someone amounts to risking one’s being one has to know where the line of safe perimeter is, so one would attempt to keep within it for safety. Of life and mind and spirit and soul.

       One can only risk so far for pleasure of the proven malevolent that have infiltrated one’s life and milieu. It is difficult enough to avoid succumbing to undesirable heritage one has, through bloodline or otherwise, and becoming one of them - which would be handing over victory to dark, and that one ought to avoid at all possible costs.
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        I am glad and grateful to be in touch with those where it would be of benefit to them whether or not it benefit me, and this gladness is hugely benefic by itself to one’s being and life. I hope I know where the line one ought to keep within lies, and stay within.
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